Bill has returned from a week long “on assignment”, as he likes to call it, visit. Odd, he would be “on assignment” when he is his own boss, but then he thinks he is everyone’s boss. Undoubtedly, he will be chagrinned that Christmas is not widely practiced there.
Only just last year, he declared there was a war on Christmas, and thus, Christianity. Then he started beating his drums…invited people to come on his program to debate, wherein he usually goes into a screaming rant and calls them names, like pin-head, anti-American and secular progressive (SPs). When challenged to identify them, he comes up with household names like George Soros and Tim Robbins and other highly influential people of this ilk who all hold the rope to the rings in our noses. But, HE has it figured out.
Anyway, he identifies this non-existent war wherein retail department stores instruct their employees to say stuff like “Happy Holidays” instead of Merry Christmas”, and this serves as proof there is a full frontal attack on Christmas and Christianity. Never mind that the Bible never mentions that the act of celebrating Christmas was to entail the spending of absurd amounts of money on plastic and electronic trash in order to celebrate the birth of the Savior….that’s a whole other issue, that is. In fact, Christmas isn’t even mentioned in the Bible at all.
Forgotten in all this mess is the fact that these stores exist to make a profit and rather than turning off 80% of the population with obvious insults, perhaps, JUST PERHAPS, they are trying to include the other 20% of the population made up of Jews, Muslims, Atheists….you name it…Guess that’s why O’Reilly doesn’t own any department stores.
But, what he does do is write books. Then, he hawks them endlessly on his radio show. And, he sells enough to get into the New York Times top 10 list. You can even become a PREMIUM SUBSCRIBER to his newsletter, so you can PAY to receive advertisements for his books. Now, that’s IS quite a deal isn’t it. Then, every week, at least one lobotomized listener will call to thank him for what he’s doing for the country. I want to call Bill O’Reilly and thank him for what he’s doing for Bill O’Reilly. I know he is very grateful for what he’s doing in that arena.
I turned on the car radio the other day and before I knew it, Bill’s head swelled up out of the radio so big I had to escape the car on the side of the road just to breath. Then, it blew up. I remember once Bill said that if George W. Bush wanted to save his legacy, all he needed to do was come on his program and answer some questions. Let’s see: Iraq, illegal immigration, record deficits, F.E.M.A./Katrina fiasco, etc., etc., etc.,…right Bill. All he needs to do is come on YOUR program. It’s all that simple.
Bill O’Reilly has a master’s degree from Harvard University. That goes a long way in explaining the problem with higher education in this country today.
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5 comments:
Hey! I used to listen to O'Reilly a lot. But, then I had to score some dope. So, I started listening to Limbaugh.
Too bad no one took him out in Afghanistan. I mean heck, we could have killed him with friendly fire and then covered it up for years before anyone found out about it.
How about when he sexually harassed his female co-worker. Good times.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/1013043mackris1.html
I hate that MF. That guy needs a kick in the teeth, a jab to the throat and smashed nuts.
All I can say is I am glad I was not born Haitian. If I was born in Haiti, every night I would say my prayers not to be from Haiti anymore. I would ask God, "God, why did you make me be born in Haiti?" God would not answer. God does not answer when Haitians pray, but instead strikes the island for bothering Him. Billo should be the King of Haiti. He should move there to show everybody how he can bring Haiti up from the ashes and trashes and turn it into a superpower to be reckoned with. I have heard he already has his employees address him as King Billo your Majesty sir, so it's really just a formality to declare him King Billo I of Haiti. Also, he should have to eat a loofah and take a bath with a felafel so that next time he is making unwelcome sexual comments to an employee he will know the difference. Next lesson: Shinola. Next lesson: Hole in the Ground.
Speaking of Haiti, I got a Haitian who works for me. We will call him Richelieu for anonymity's sake. Drives a trash truck. Good guy. What gets him and me both is we had to learn English the hard way, University of Hard Knox. You might have heard of it. Anyway we got this customer, let's call him Henry H., didn't pay his bill and said he didn't intend to, so me and my Haitian employee, and a couple other associates had to pay him a friendly visit. Henry is born and bred in the USA, and he says to us "irregardless, I ain't payin a trash collector for no protection." Who said anything about protection? So, we point out to this born and bred in the USA slimeball that first, irregardless is not a word, and second, that ain't is not a word for educated people to use. So up comes his right hand with the bird flying. Well, Richelieu says boss, I don't think it's polite that Henry talks to you using bad English, when we had to learn English the hard way. I agreed. At this point I asked my associates to secure Henry's right hand, and if Richelieu would be kind enough to hand me his Bernz o Matic and striker, we would have us an English lesson. Suffice it to say that Henry will no longer address me by using the words "irregardless" or "ain't." Additionally, he agreed to pay his trash disposal bill on time, and I'll tell you, if he wants to fly the bird at me again, it will have to be with his left hand. Trust me, he don't want to fly the bird at me again. Anyways, the lesson to take from all this is Better English means Better Understanding. Especially if you were born and bred right here in the USA. Land that I love, incidentally. Thank you.
Last time I turned on the car radio LBJ told us he wasn't running for another term. Never again will i touch any of those knobs.
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