The HISTORY of CRAZY ED

I had started employment in the social service agency only a couple months prior when I was assigned to a field office 10 miles from the large central office. It was in this field office that I had my first encounter with Crazy Ed.

Ed was the supervisor of my supervisor, thus two levels up on the proverbial food chain.

The field office was staffed with only a handful of staff that had been required by the governor’s office to make 100% home visits periodically on very over sized and understaffed caseloads. Thus, the bulk of the employees could be out in the field at any given time.

It was not unusual for the phones to go nuts because as a result of the home visit policy, there often were only but one or two people in the office to answer ten or more phones, several of which could be ringing at the same time.

One day, the phones were going berserk and there were only two of us in the office. I made an effort to answer as many calls as possible, taking messages as the calls were not for me. At some point I answered a call and it was from Ed.

Ed was mad as hell. He indicated that he’d been trying to reach someone, anyone, for 20 minutes to no avail and why weren't the phones being answered? I explained that people were out in the field making home visits and I and one other person were the only ones there to answer the phones. He said he didn't want to hear any excuses. Not knowing who he was I retorted that I wasn't giving him any excuse but only a fact, there was nobody else here!

At this point, he became really steamed and demanded my name and my supervisor’s name which I gave him, then I asked his name. He told me and said we’d be dealing with this later. I did not know who he was and really didn't care.

Later in the day, staff began to return to the office including my supervisor who was a pretty mousy guy. I told my friend Roger, who had a super-worker reputation and who sat next to me, about my encounter with Ed. Roger blew his stack and knowing who Ed was said that he was an incompetent SOB and I should have just told him to go to hell!

I told my supervisor and he said it probably wouldn't amount to much, that I’d probably be issued some kind of memo for it. I though that was nuts, that I was the only one who did what Ed even wanted, I had answered the phone.

Nothing ever really became of this event. Our field office was shortly thereafter consolidated into the main downtown office and unanswered phones ceased to be an issue. Nevertheless, Roger was correct in that Ed was an incompetent, but not necessarily an SOB.

Several years passed and I was promoted to supervisor, working directly beneath Ed. We got along quite well. Nevertheless, I grew increasingly aware of his incompetence and learned it was bad, really bad, practice to ask for his advice on a difficult case matter as he’d usually screw up the answer with the wrong advice. Due to his paranoia, I could not refuse to ask him occasional questions as others who did so had developed the reputation of hiding things from him. He was after all part of the administrative hierarchy and if you crossed him, you crossed everyone above you in the chain of command.

I developed a solution to this dilemma by periodically asking him very simple case questions that precluded him from screwing up the answers.  Sometimes, I would present him with the question and I would have an either/or answer for him to chose from, with either answer being sufficient to solve the problem. He always seemed to feel very good about these little conferences and our working relationship developed quite well. I never took him a hard question.

One day my whole MO came unraveled when I took him one of my routine simple questions with my proposed two answer solution. I was totally prepared to walk away as usual knowing my job was done and Ed would see me leave feeling good about himself.

But, this time, he threw me a louie that was an answer different from the two I had given him and was so far from being correct that there was no way I could follow his instructions. I didn't know how I was going to get out of this one.

If I went over his head, he’d find out and our level of phony trust would be irreparably harmed. I felt boxed into a corner of my own making. I went back to my office and mulled the case over for a couple of days, doing other work instead. Deadline was fast approaching and I would have to make a decision soon.

As fate would have it, Ed’s own incompetence saved the day. While I was walking down the hall, smoke was billowing from Ed’s office…thick, black smoke. Several of us charged in to find Ed experimenting with new camping equipment. He was in the process of trying out a new kerosene fired heater but had the appliance improperly adjusted. This was before the days of required smoke alarms or he would have managed to have a building of 500 people including several businesses evacuated. Ed explained he needed to get away and go camping but would do so locally and be back at the office each morning for his daily duties, which included giving us screwy case advice.

We did not see Ed for the next week. During this week of his absence, I submitted my case problem with the correct answer as I knew it, avoiding his goofy advice. Deadline had approached and I had no choice. I knew the work would be buried into the workflow and upon his return we’d be on to other issues. 

The following week, Ed returned and heatedly explained what had happened. Wanting to have an experience with nature, Ed had purchased a brand new tent, cook stove, heater, sleeping bag etc. Then he proceeded to the river bank, in the woods, but still within the inner-city area. He set up his camp, tent, stove, sleeping bag and all. All that was left was the need for a few days food. So, Ed climbed into his car and drove about five minutes to the nearest grocery store, stocking up on his culinary needs. Upon returning to his campsite, he found everything gone…the tent, bag, stove and all. Someone had watched him set up his inner city camp and upon his leaving for groceries, they moved in a stole the works.       

Ed reported that when he returned, he flew into a rage and he drove to the nearest motel. He spent the week away from the office on an impromptu vacation. Ed’s incompetence created this situation and at the same time enabled him to retell the story several times to a number of people who would have died before ever admitting this kind of stupidity to anyone had it happened to them.

I left my employment with the agency shortly thereafter. Ed continued, ultimately passing away from some disease, but not before his biggest adventure.

About 2:00 a.m. one Sunday morning, a former co-worker friend received a phone call. It frightened her greatly at first. Who would be calling at this hour of the night? It turned out to be crazy Ed. He was desperate. He needed for her to come to a local police sub-station in a rather sleazy part of town and bail him out of jail. He explained he had been arrested for a DUI charge. He was coming home from a bar and was waiting for a red light to change while idling in what he thought was a left-turn lane. Waiting next to him was a police officer. He assumed the officer was in the ongoing lane. Ed looked at him and smiled. Ed was not at all aware that he was actually idling in the oncoming lane on the wrong side of the street and that it was the police officer who was in the left turn lane where Ed really should have been to begin with.

The officer pulled in behind Ed who then stopped by the side of the road. The officer approached the car, but never made Ed get out and walk a straight line or anything. The officer had already seen enough. A paddy wagon was called and Ed was escorted to the jail from where he called my co-worker to come down with bail money, which she did.

After completing any proper paper work and making bail, she drove Ed home. He sat next to her in the passenger seat, never uttering another word all the way home…stark naked. Yes, Ed was arrested for driving under the influence after leaving a bar apparently stark naked, for some unexplained reason, which didn't really leave that much to the imagination. Upon arriving home, he finally offered a “thank you” and a request that she keep this little incident as quiet as possible. Monday morning, she told everyone in her carpool.

Ed retired shortly thereafter, none too soon, as he really should have done so many, many years before.