The problem which has stymied politicians for over the past 35 years has been partially solved at last. Recently, a huge public outcry put a stop to the concept of giving driver’s licenses to illegal aliens. Now, I’ve NEVER heard of any state GIVING a driver’s license to anyone. But, apparently that’s what was in the works.
Well, what has completely escaped me before was the awareness that the reason illegals came here to begin with was to drive! I had always thought it was to work, but in retrospect, it all makes sense. Some of the places they come from don’t even have roads, let alone cars.
As usual, we have only dealt with part of the problem though. If we are going to completely stop the influx of illegals, we can’t just stop them from getting driver’s licenses. We must also stop them from getting cars. So, in order to be effective, we must be willing to execute any car dealer for treason who has been known to be dealing cars to illegals. The car dealers will try to resist this probably by claiming it’s not their role to be immigration enforcement officials. I say “balderdash”. They will say it’s impossible to tell if a buyer is an American or foreigner. Well, it’s this simple…if they are overweight and drive off with one hand on the wheel and the other on a cell phone, they are Americans.
Within no time at all, we Americans will be able to gain back all the jobs that the illegals took from us. You know, the jobs we shipped to India a few years ago that the illegals then came here and took away from us. I never could figure out how that deal worked.
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Bill O'Reilly said we gotta stop illegal immigrants because they are going to destroy our culture. I heard it on the radio. Then I listened to news about Madonna, Paris Hilton, Public Enemy, Brittney Spears, Anna Nicole Smith, and the Rev. Jessie Jackson with his illegitimate baby in the White House, and reality T.V and you name it.
So, then I went down to the El Conejos Bus Depot which runs buses back and forth from here to Mexico and asked how much a couple tickets would cost?
The hombre behind the counter asks where I wanted to go and I said I didn't want to go nowhwere. I wanted to send a couple tickets to Guanajuato so some illegal aliens could get a ride up here.
As near as I can figure, the quicker they get up here and destroy our culture, the better off we'll be.
One of the cultures we got that’s new from immigrants is the cockfight. This never used to be here. But, now we got us a new sport.
I got this friend named Pedro and he’s a bad ass. But, he’s my friend. So, I go over to his apartment and I says to Pedro, “hey Pedro…(cause that’s his name)….you wanna go to a cockfight?” He says, “Sure man, I’ll go get my protective cup.”
I says,“No Pedro, not that kind of cockfight. I mean the kind they do with chickens.”
He says, “Oh!!
Chickens can serve a practical purpose other than food. When I lived in Costa Rica as a child, I would go to a little back alley market with my uncle who would take me to a cockfight. These were between roosters which are men chickens. Cock fighting seems to be illegal here because of animal cruelty issues, yet boxing is legal here as it is also in Costa Rica. It’s odd that this country sees sport in people beating the brains out of each other but we must protect the chickens. Sometimes, the chickens would die. Then, if you owned that chicken, you could still eat it which is what some people said that’s all they’re good for anyway.
So, I go to this cockfight with my friend, Pedro, and the crowd is full of men and a few roosters. There is one really big cock fight going on and the men watching are worked up into a mad frenzy, shaking money and little pieces of paper, what they call markers here. As the chickens became more excited and the fight got more violent, so too did the men become more excited and then the chickens got even more excited than the men who too got more excited and some of them started to fight with one another. So, in this circle, you had the chickens fighting and outside the circle you had the men fighting. Just as the fighting chickens worked the men into a frenzy, the fighting men worked the chickens into a frenzy and the next thing I saw was the chickens went berzerk and were pecking each other and everything else in sight, including the men. The money and markers were flying everywhere as were the chickens and the men’s fists. Then, some guy starts screaming because a chicken pecked his eye out! I heard Pedro in the pile of men shout that he wished now he had brought his protective cup, but I didn’t know if that was because of the men or the chickens.
Things kind of calmed down and they would have taken the guy with the pecked out eye to the hospital, but we didn’t have a hospital so they just took the guy home. As near as I could tell, most of the men went home without their money which would have happened anyway except the people who did go home with the money were probably not the ones who had a winning chicken. and that was wrong. I don’t think the chickens were any stupider than the men who lost their money. The chickens caused a riot and really screwed up the day for most of these men. I think those chickens got ate, which probably would have happened anyway.
The very next day, I went over to Pedro’s and we had dinner….fried chicken. I didn’t ask no questions.
I am completely in agreement with Herbert there. I mean the Italian customs we brought over with us to the US, those are the only good customs the US of A got. Pizza, spaghetti and Valpolicella baby. Take the Norweejuns - they gave us Lutefisk. If that don't suck! And what did the British leave for us? Da Bush family. They are related, you know. And the Irish? Friggin O'Reilly! Thanks one hell of a lot Ireland. So everybody knocking la''in America why don't you stop eating burritos and chalupas and enchiladas, stop drinking margaritas and stop ge''in $h!tfaced on cinco de Mayo!! Just turn on your TV and watch about Britney on entertainment tonite and go get a Enquirer and read about your favorite anglo-saxoms. Give me a break. On the other hand, we do gotta watch out for them Russians and Chinese. They are bringing their organized crime over here with them. That is evil and needs to be stopped. It's like outsourcing. You's already got us so why bring in a bunch of Russians and Chinese?
You’re an avid glue sniffer aren’t you? I can just kinda tell by your writing. Maybe you should concentrate of sports or some other fluffy types of issues.
ha!! Cockfight!!! yeeooowww... That was hilarious.
So I'm at the neighborhood gym today and a teeny tiny scrawny weasley guy is running right beside me on the treadmill. He looked sort of familiar.
Then it hit me. He's on the sex offender registry list. That's where I saw his face before. I'm glad for the registry so I know what perverted baby rapists I live by and when I see them I can point and shout "baby rapist."
There a lots of things that ruin our culture beside tamales, cockfights and Paris Hilton and their names can be found on each state's government website. GD baby rapists!!!
Very nice. How's about a song full of holiday cheer with a little immigration thrown in? Here goes:
It's beginning to look a lot like Third World
Ev'rywhere you go;
Take a look at the village square, broken windows, shelves are bare
With homeless and drunks by trash cans all aglow.
It's beginning to look a lot like Third World,
There’s a Ho for ev’ry John,
But the ugliest sight to see is the cadaver that will be
Left to rot on your front lawn.
Sir –
As I am sure you are well aware, one of our patients is an avid reader of your blog. Unfortunately, after he read one of your recent postings it became necessary to remove Mr. Purvis to one of our “quite rooms”. I know you’re concerned, so I will tell you that he has calmed down and will likely continue to do quite well. While I attribute his change in attitude primarily to the golf ball sized Thorazine suppositories we have been giving him, explaining to him that you seem to be suppressing an erotic desire for the company of obese Russian women who habitually smoke and use cell phones (in my professional opinion), seemed to help calm him also. I am willing to venture, (given your writing style), that you are employed in the fast food industry. People of your ilk often break down into these strange states of psychosis when they are deprived of their favorite comforts. I would suggest that you return to your habitual use flagellation as a stress reliever, and seek professional help.
You want fries with that, Zymanski?
So, I was on my way to the doctor last week, and it wasn’t no guy named Zamanski, but he was a proctologist anyway. I really didn’t have nothing wrong, but I like to be sure every month or so anyway.
So, I stop off at the Colonel’s on the way and I get a box of these deals they call Chicken Fingers. Well, that’s news to me. I worked on a ranch in Costa Rica and I been to my share of cockfights, but I never see’d no chicken with fingers. So, I ate them.
The doctor’s office was very busy. I sat for a long time reading magazines about tennis and stuff the doctor must think everyone likes to do. Then, the nurse, who was a large two-breasted woman, very Hemingwayesque in her demeanor said, “Mr. Nogales” the doctor will see you now….right now!”
I went into the exam room and put on the butt gown and waited for the doctor who came in a little while later with a chicken. He had me turn around and after 15 or 20 minutes of medical procedures and saying stuff like, “hmmm, and uhm…and ah, ha….and very interesting….”. I peeked around and realized he had been sitting there the whole time reading his tennis magazines and all the while, his chicken had been giving me the exam!
So, it’s not hard to understand why that fellow, Purvis, had an incident. Also, I will never again be eating no chicken fingers and doubt that I’ll bother to go to EITHER the colonel or the doctor in the foreseeable future.
You know, I have thought about this issue with chickens. Chickens are berry, berry bad. Chickens (cocks) have peckers. They will peck you! In my country we do not eat things with peckers. People in here will eat anything, fat women with cell phones come into my 7-11 all the time and I have seen them eat many, many things, please, thank you berry much. So you should know. If it has a pecker, (or a horn, really), leave it alone! Don’t eat it or you could end up like fat women in New Deli.
Are you talking about India or the New Deli Cafe on the corner of 33st and 4rd Avenue in New Jerk City? For the life of me I cannot imagine any FAT women in New Delhi, India.
http://www.lonelyplanet.com/worldguide/destinations/asia/india/delhi
Speaking of chicken, here’s the recipe for my Chicken Nagasaki
Ingredients:
1 large roasting Chicken
2 sticks of butter
½ Quart of 151 proof rum
Directions –
Melt butter in a roasting dish and combine with Rum. Place in oven and set oven to the self cleaning cycle. Remove chicken when cleaning cycle is done and the chicken is black and crispy. Enjoy!
What did you do with the chicken pecker? Is taht part of the giblet?
You may try sending the giblets to Dr. Zymanski. He' s an idiot and will try to find some wierd psychanalytical hocus-pocus use for them. I think he's the guy I saw on the Donahue show several years ago. They had to chase him off the set with a butterfly net. Last I heard, he was practicing medicine in Mexico without a brain....perfoming experiments on lizards and eating the results. A wierdo he is!
Dr. Zymanski is wonderful. I saw him pry Mr. Purvis’s lips off a flag pole one frosty January morning and if he wouldn’t have done that I think Mr. Purvis would have died so he saved his life. I think you’re the weirdo Hairbert. People like you and give people like me and Mr. Testicle Gonzales a bad name. Why don’t you go back to Texas and leave us all alone!
Looks like a national controversy may be ensuing over this imbecile, Zymanski character.
What were Purvis's lips doing wrapped around a flagpole? They are usually wrapped around Mr. Skippy. That's why Zymanski freed him!
If the immigration problem ever got solved, a lot of dumb government people would be out of a job.
Well, if they get rid of the dumb ones that wouldn't leave very many people to run the government, now would it?
Well, well...we traveled from the El Conejos Bus Depot to cockfighting in Costa Rico w/Pedro to the Russian mafia to sniffin' glue to baby rapists to a tune for the holiday's to flagellation as a stress reliever to eatin' chicken fingers to fat women who'll eat anything to more chicken recipes to lips wrapped around a flagpole to stupid gov't workers.
Quite a diverse posse you've got there Ralph. But, these things always end up with stupid gov't workers. Why is that? Being a stupid one myself, I take offense to being the cause from Brittany flashing her cha cha to the Russian Mafia infiltrating the El Conejos Bus Depot.
Ralph, please.....get a grip on this crowd!
Quite a ride,eh? And no drugs involved....who needs 'em!
OK you guys! Mr. Smallbunns has weighed in with a fist full of bugers to think about. Near as I can tell, Bill O'Reilly is behind this pile-o-crap. He says the government does nothing right. In the meantime, he takes credit for everything from saving Cristmas to the Bush administration. Well investigate and see what squirts up.
I took a road trip back in my NASCAR days down to South Carolina. I spent the night before at my cousin Billy’s place in Indiana. Well by the time I drove all the way to SC all the Motels were closed, or at least they would have been if there had been any Motels in that area. Suddenly I realized that I was getting sleepy with no place to stay so I called my cousin Billy and asked him if I could come back and stay at his place. He said sure because he had an open room since tonight cause no one was staying there like there was last night. So I decided to drive back to his place but I didn’t make it all the way there before I started getting tired. In fact, about the time I got to the line where South Carolina and Indiana come together I pulled over to get a nap. I thought I would get a bite to eat before I hit the hay though and lucky for me there was a KFC across the street from the parking lot I pulled into to take a nap. Then I noticed that the parking lot was the parking lot for a proctologist’s office. So I walked up to the office to use the phone thinking that If I called my order in to the KFC it would be ready when I walked across the street to get it, but the office was closed. I knocked and nobody answered but I noticed that they had just closed so I went around back and stood on an empty box of exam gloves and looked in the window and I saw the Dr. sitting in there eating fried chicken. Small world eh?
I have just accidentally read this blog with its assorted threads and I must say I am disappointed. This is what you Amis are doing with your time? There must be no wonder that the Euro is prügeling the dollar. Listen USA, would you like to sell your dollars for good currency? I am inclined to sell Euros one per ten dollars, but only if you act quickly. By the time this is over, it will be so much cheaper for you to wipe your stinking Arschloch with dollars than purchase toilettenpapier. Euch mit euer Scheißdollars, and complaining of illegal immigration! Perhaps besides complaining of illegal immigration, you should make your schools teach American children something besides to watch MTV and Judge Brown. These illegal immigrants you speak of will be the tomorrows upper class. They will own the BP station at which your uneducated children will work. They will wish they could move to Mexico to find jobs there, except Mexico will not have them. You think Mexico will spread the legs so easily as USA? Then also you must think USA dollar will be worth money.
God, I LOVE it when you Sprechen sie Deutsch to me.
Karl,
The good news is, we get the Mexicans. The other good news is, you get the Turks.
Good Luck.
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