I had started employment in the social service agency only a
couple months prior when I was assigned to a field office 10 miles from the
large central office. It was in this field office that I had my first encounter
with Crazy Ed.
Ed was the supervisor of my supervisor, thus two levels up
on the proverbial food chain.
The field office was staffed with only a handful of staff that
had been required by the governor’s office to make 100% home visits
periodically on very over sized and understaffed caseloads. Thus, the bulk of
the employees could be out in the field at any given time.
It was not unusual for the phones to go nuts because as a
result of the home visit policy, there often were only but one or two people in
the office to answer ten or more phones, several of which could be ringing at
the same time.
One day, the phones were going berserk and there were only
two of us in the office. I made an effort to answer as many calls as possible,
taking messages as the calls were not for me. At some point I answered a call
and it was from Ed.
Ed was mad as hell. He indicated that he’d been trying to
reach someone, anyone, for 20 minutes to no avail and why weren't the phones
being answered? I explained that people were out in the field making home visits
and I and one other person were the only ones there to answer the phones. He
said he didn't want to hear any excuses. Not knowing who he was I retorted that
I wasn't giving him any excuse but only a fact, there was nobody else here!
At this point, he became really steamed and demanded my name
and my supervisor’s name which I gave him, then I asked his name. He told me
and said we’d be dealing with this later. I did not know who he was and really
didn't care.
Later in the day, staff began to return to the office
including my supervisor who was a pretty mousy guy. I told my friend Roger, who
had a super-worker reputation and who sat next to me, about my encounter with
Ed. Roger blew his stack and knowing who Ed was said that he was an incompetent
SOB and I should have just told him to go to hell!
I told my supervisor and he said it probably wouldn't amount
to much, that I’d probably be issued some kind of memo for it. I though that
was nuts, that I was the only one who did what Ed even wanted, I had answered
the phone.
Nothing ever really became of this event. Our field office
was shortly thereafter consolidated into the main downtown office and
unanswered phones ceased to be an issue. Nevertheless, Roger was correct in
that Ed was an incompetent, but not necessarily an SOB.
Several years passed and I was promoted to supervisor,
working directly beneath Ed. We got along quite well. Nevertheless, I grew
increasingly aware of his incompetence and learned it was bad, really bad,
practice to ask for his advice on a difficult case matter as he’d usually screw
up the answer with the wrong advice. Due to his paranoia, I could not refuse to
ask him occasional questions as others who did so had developed the reputation
of hiding things from him. He was after all part of the administrative
hierarchy and if you crossed him, you crossed everyone above you in the chain
of command.
I developed a solution to this dilemma by periodically asking him very simple
case questions that precluded him from screwing up the answers. Sometimes, I would present him with the
question and I would have an either/or answer for him to chose from, with
either answer being sufficient to solve the problem. He always seemed to feel
very good about these little conferences and our working relationship developed
quite well. I never took him a hard question.
One day my whole MO came unraveled when I took him one of my
routine simple questions with my proposed two answer solution. I was totally
prepared to walk away as usual knowing my job was done and Ed would see me
leave feeling good about himself.
But, this time, he threw me a louie that was an answer
different from the two I had given him and was so far from being correct that
there was no way I could follow his instructions. I didn't know how I was going
to get out of this one.
If I went over his head, he’d find out and our level of
phony trust would be irreparably harmed. I felt boxed into a corner of my own
making. I went back to my office and mulled the case over for a couple of days,
doing other work instead. Deadline was fast approaching and I would have to
make a decision soon.
As fate would have it, Ed’s own incompetence saved the day.
While I was walking down the hall, smoke was billowing from Ed’s office…thick,
black smoke. Several of us charged in to find Ed experimenting with new camping
equipment. He was in the process of trying out a new kerosene fired heater but
had the appliance improperly adjusted. This was before the days of required
smoke alarms or he would have managed to have a building of 500 people
including several businesses evacuated. Ed explained he needed to get away and
go camping but would do so locally and be back at the office each morning for
his daily duties, which included giving us screwy case advice.
We did not see Ed for the next week. During this week of his
absence, I submitted my case problem with the correct answer as I knew it,
avoiding his goofy advice. Deadline had approached and I had no choice. I knew
the work would be buried into the workflow and upon his return we’d be on to
other issues.
The following week, Ed returned and heatedly explained what
had happened. Wanting to have an experience with nature, Ed had purchased a
brand new tent, cook stove, heater, sleeping bag etc. Then he proceeded to the
river bank, in the woods, but still within the inner-city area. He set up his
camp, tent, stove, sleeping bag and all. All that was left was the need for a
few days food. So, Ed climbed into his car and drove about five minutes to the
nearest grocery store, stocking up on his culinary needs. Upon returning to his
campsite, he found everything gone…the tent, bag, stove and all. Someone had
watched him set up his inner city camp and upon his leaving for groceries, they
moved in a stole the works.
Ed reported that when he returned, he flew into a rage and
he drove to the nearest motel. He spent the week away from the office on an
impromptu vacation. Ed’s incompetence created this situation and at the same
time enabled him to retell the story several times to a number of people who
would have died before ever admitting this kind of stupidity to anyone had it
happened to them.
I left my employment with the agency shortly thereafter. Ed
continued, ultimately passing away from some disease, but not before his
biggest adventure.
About 2:00 a.m. one
Sunday morning, a former co-worker friend received a phone call. It frightened
her greatly at first. Who would be calling at this hour of the night? It turned
out to be crazy Ed. He was desperate. He needed for her to come to a local
police sub-station in a rather sleazy part of town and bail him out of jail. He
explained he had been arrested for a DUI charge. He was coming home from a bar
and was waiting for a red light to change while idling in what he thought was a
left-turn lane. Waiting next to him was a police officer. He assumed the
officer was in the ongoing lane. Ed looked at him and smiled. Ed was not at all
aware that he was actually idling in the oncoming lane on the wrong side of the
street and that it was the police officer who was in the left turn lane where
Ed really should have been to begin with.
The officer pulled in behind Ed who then stopped by the side
of the road. The officer approached the car, but never made Ed get out and walk
a straight line or anything. The officer had already seen enough. A paddy wagon
was called and Ed was escorted to the jail from where he called my co-worker to
come down with bail money, which she did.
After completing any proper paper work and making bail, she
drove Ed home. He sat next to her in the passenger seat, never uttering another
word all the way home…stark naked. Yes, Ed was arrested for driving under the
influence after leaving a bar apparently stark naked, for some unexplained
reason, which didn't really leave that much to the imagination. Upon arriving
home, he finally offered a “thank you” and a request that she keep this little
incident as quiet as possible. Monday morning, she told everyone in her carpool.
Ed retired shortly thereafter, none too soon, as he really
should have done so many, many years before.
